Big Babies, Epidurals and Mind Your Own Damn Business

Big-BabiesSo lately, I’ve been getting some negative feedback (in real life, not on this blog.) From what they think they know about me, some people say I will be unable to tolerate the pain of labor. That I’ll be begging for an epidural as soon as I feel the first contraction. Lots of women opt for epidurals, and I’m not going to pick on anyone for doing what is right for them. However, in this context, my “friend” was implying that I am a big weenie.  But further more, she then raised herself up (she’s also pregnant with her first) and implied that she was not scared of labor or pain and would be “strong.” As in, she would not opt for the epidural because she is somehow better than me.

Yeah, it pissed me off.

But the real kicker came from a family member. She thinks, because of my size, I am going to somehow create a gigantic baby that will have to be delivered with forceps, some kind of supernatural lubricant, the prayers of Tibetan monks, magic spells and failing all of that, a cesarean section. She doesn’t say if it’s because I’m tall or because I’m fat. Maybe it’s a combination of the two. Neither of those are medical reasons that would cause bigger babies. In fact, the only thing I know of that does cause larger babies is gestational diabetes. And I passed my glucose tolerance test with flying colors, thank you very damn much.

She said my baby would weigh 10 pounds at delivery.

First of all, who in the hell thinks it’s okay to tell a pregnant woman these things? Apparently my friends and family. Not all of them, to be sure. I have some wonderful, very supportive friends who tell me that I’m doing everything right and will be a great mother. They are the ones I cry to when shit like this is spewed in my general direction.

And yeah, I get that my pregnant friend is in a less than ideal situation at the moment. And I’m the only other pregnant woman she knows to “compete” against. But really, we’re all fucking sensitive right now. Why not support each other instead of tearing each other down? She’s a delicate fucking flower, well so am I! I’ve got feelings too, you jerk.

But for my family to launch into me as well, it just feels cold. It seems like these are the people who should support you at your lowest. Instead they hypothesize about your health and the size of your baby from eight hundred miles away while sipping on gin & tonics. The only thing I said, the only thing, was that when I went in for my 24 week appointment the doctor said I was measuring 24.5 weeks. The doctor seemed not in the least bit worried about it. Not an ounce of worry in her voice. But my family now feels they have full sway to not only comment on it but theorize on the eventual outcome.

Which means that from now on, I’ll have to keep them in the dark on the baby’s growth. Because if I say he’s still measuring half a week bigger than expected, they’ll turn it into something ridiculous. And that’s the last thing my nerves need right now.

I hope I don’t feel this stressed out for the rest of the pregnancy. Maybe now I just need to start tuning out the negative folks in my life and concentrate on myself and Gibson. Start meditating or something. Jeez.

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12 thoughts on “Big Babies, Epidurals and Mind Your Own Damn Business

  1. Ah, you are in full fledge experience of the first rule of pregnancy. #1 You and everything about you are fair game for comments, judgement, and advice.
    People think oh, you’re pregnant, it’s okay for me to say whatever the Hell I want to you!!!
    These were my favorites…
    You don’t even look pregnant
    You look so small
    You are huge
    Wow your baby must be big
    You look great! Don’t worry, the rest of the baby weight will come off soon.
    How much weight have you gained?
    How much weight have you lost?
    Send your baby to the nursery no matter what

    etc, etc etc etc….. *sigh* enjoy.

  2. Unsolicited advice will keep coming. Happened even with baby #3 for us!! We made the mistake of sharing our first borns name and my MIL (who obviously didn’t like it) proceeded to tell us she would just call him CJ (his name is Carter John and she doesn’t call him CJ) we kept the others a secret and actually didn’t even find out what #3 was and it KILLED her, I wanted to tell her she was the reason we did those things!!!
    Hang in there, smile and nod, and trust your instincts! You are going to be a wonderful Mommy! Gibson is so lucky to have you (and I love his name!)

    • Thanks so much! My grandfather thinks because his name will be Gibson James that we’ll just settle into calling him Jim. I told him that wasn’t the case, but he will probably try to make it stick anyway. Too bad he’s 800 miles away and won’t be able to hold sway. HA!

  3. Well my goodness! People are so rude sometimes. People kept telling me my baby was going to be huge too. Forget the fact that he weighed at or below the 50th percentile for the majority of my pregnancy. I was told time and again by practically everyone except for my mom that I was not going to be able to handle the pain of labor. Well I don’t know if I would have or not because I didn’t go into labor but I sure know that I handled my cesarean section without so much is one stinking vicodin!
    Even the doctor said I wouldn’t be able to handle the pain after my c-section but I got through it using only motrin! I think that you will be perfectly fine its a mind over matter thing I think!

    • What’s strange to me is that I get some of this stuff from women who have been pregnant and gone through labor. Doesn’t it seem like they should be encouraging us as we look down the barrel of the same gun they’ve already looked down? I find it so strange that people want to load their superstitions and insecurities on pregnant women.We’re actually pretty damn tough! And good on you for making it through!

  4. Every pregnancy is different. Between people, between members of the same family, hell–even between different pregnancies for the same woman. But, for some reason seeing a pregnant woman just brings out the war stories from others. You’re healthy and your baby is healthy and everything will be just fine.

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