Tuesday was cycle day one for me. Yet another failed cycle. I was definitely angry about it. I thought for sure we were in the zone this time. I had what I thought was implantation bleeding a week before, but it was obviously just break through spotting despite the Endometrin.

Curling up in a ball and not getting out of bed was looking pretty appealing that morning. But there was a mess to contain, so I took a shower. And I thought about a conversation I had with a friend over the weekend.

“What will you do when you actually accomplish this; getting pregnant and having the baby?”

I sort of didn’t understand the question. But what she meant was, am I going to stop blogging about infertility and trying to conceive. And the answer is, no way. No matter what else happens, my life has been changed by my diagnosis and all of these subsequent treatments.

A cancer survivor doesn’t just forget about the time he or she spent undergoing surgeries and chemotherapy before recovering. Not that I’m comparing the severity of the inability to conceive a child without intervention as being at the same level as the terrible diagnosis of cancer. Potentially losing a life versus being unable to create a life, those are just two completely different things.

What I mean is that the cancer survivor has been forever affected by his or her struggle. And it’s likely he or she will want to run marathons, fund raise or increase awareness for the rest of his or her life. After recovering from cancer, you don’t forget about it and move on. You are always a cancer survivor after that.

So I think if and when we manage to overcome this obstacle, the hubs and I will always be infertility advocates. This has been 21 months of our lives.  Almost two years spent trying and waiting and hoping. If you calculate it, that’s 6% of our entire lives (from birth to now) spent on trying to conceive. And 22% of our years together- almost a quarter of our marriage.

Even if and when I hold my precious baby/child (genetically mine, adopted or some other way of becoming a parent, #itwillhappen) I will never be the woman I was before I began this journey. I may have less time to blog thanks to recitals, school activities and just overall being a parent, but I think I will always want to help other women and couples who will go through what I am going through.

That’s why I support The Walk of Hope. And if you’re struggling or know someone who is still working to make their dream come true, please consider supporting. More of us will succeed if we raise awareness, fund raise and just give a damn. You can give to Team Hungry For Motherhood by clicking here. Or give directly to RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association by clicking here.

So, what will I do when I succeed? What I’ve been doing all along. If folks are finding something they need on this blog, I will keep writing.

I took a look at the search terms that bring people to my blog. And I couldn’t be prouder.

Clomid, Ovidrel, Endometrin

32 years old and need an egg donor

Why use Endometrin with Clomid?

Femara & Ovidrel Infertility Blog

How to survive infertility?

Throwing a Shower When You’re Facing Infertility

Surviving the Two Week Wait TTC

Clomid Leave System Depression

Guided Imagery Image

TTC and Belly Dancing

How To Survive My Sister’s Baby Shower

Not Trying Not Preventing One Year

Affirmations During Two Week Wait

Pregnancy Announcement Coping 2013