The official results are not up yet, but when my husband and I crossed the finish line we were told our time was 53:18.  Not bad for a woman with RA who has never run before.  But I have to admit that we walked most of the course.  I have a cold, and I had never run outside before.  Plus it was my first time.  I am just very pleased with myself that we managed to do this is less than an hour at all!  So that picture at the top– that’s my victory face.

Also, we didn’t come in last!  I mean yeah, we beat out a mother pushing a double stroller with a toddler by her side, but whatever.  Actually there was a decent number of people behind us.  For me, that was a respectable way to finish.  I will take it as an accomplishment.

“So Kristin, you’ve run the 5K.  What are you going to do next?”

Roast a turkey, of course.

I don’t know about other folks, but I often feel a bit guilty when it comes to eating a large meal on Thanksgiving.  It’s traditional- something I’ve been doing my whole life.  However, since we don’t have kids, it’s always just me and the hubby on Thanksgiving.  And he really likes it that way.  Living 800+ miles for our family back in Tennessee, we are excluded from the drama of having to visit my parents and his parents on the same day.  I enjoy the downtime, but I sometimes feel incredibly guilty for cooking a large meal when it’s just two people.

We don’t throw it out.  If we don’t eat it all within a week, we freeze it.  And I save the turkey bones for stock making later.  Still, roasting a full sized turkey feels ostentatious and unnecessary when we could do fine with a turkey breast.  I know it all goes back to the idea that if I had a child, bringing an American icon of the freshly roasted turkey to the dinner table would be about building traditions for that child.

I guess the holidays are the worst time for TTC.  I desperately want to have a ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ ornament to put on the Christmas tree.  I want to sew a stocking for our child with all the attention to detail my childhood stocking had.  My aunt, Wanda, sewed a blue one for me with a unicorn on it and a thousand little sequins with my name embroidered.  I want to do that for my child!

The stress is enough to make you want to melt down into a puddle and cry all the way to New Year’s.  But you can’t live your life that way.

So I roasted that turkey, and I made my husband happy, and we fed some turkey to the cats.  And I pushed all the heartache aside, again, for the moment.

Today is cycle day 13 for me this round.  I go to the ultrasound techs again for another round of probing.  Transvaginal ultrasounds are just a part of my monthly routines now.  They’re going to measure the size of the follicle on my right ovary, send me downstairs to the lab for a blood test, call me back to say the LH is surging, and I should definitely try over the weekend.

The doctor told us that she wanted to do three rounds of Clomid with normal ‘at home intercourse.’ Which sounds ridiculous.  Where else am I going to have sex?  McDonald’s?  Anyway, this is our last attempt of the three rounds.  If we don’t get pregnant this go round, the doctor wants us to try IUI (Intrauterine Insemination.)  Well, funny thing is that our insurance only covers some of that cost.  It would be $400 a go for us.  And she wants to try it three times.  So $1200 to attempt to make a baby.

Things like that along with the holidays make me what to cry and scream.  It’s so unfair that there are women everyday who get pregnant by accident while I so desperately want to be a mother and cannot do it on my own.

So I know at this point, you’re asking yourself, why doesn’t she just adopt?  And adoption is definitely on the plate.  But we know it would be even more expensive to pursue that option.  Which is why we’re trying fertility drugs first.  And we aren’t completely sold on IUI.  I’m not much of a praying sort, but if we are to the point that we need IUI, maybe it’s a sign that we should pursue adoption instead.

In order to be clear headed about this decision, my husband and I have decided that if we don’t manage to get pregnant this cycle, we will take a break from the fertility drugs.  That way the meds won’t be scrambling my hormones, and I can make a decision to pursue IUI or adoption from a calm, clear place mentally and emotionally.

In just a few minutes I will head to the doctor’s office.  They do the ultrasounds at 7:30 AM there.  Early, but at least I get it out of the way first thing.

Enjoy your holiday weekend.  Here’s a picture of our turkey that my husband took once it was roasted.  Alton Brown, you never let me down.

UPDATE:

The official results for the 5K were posted.  I came in 665th place in the women’s race which comprised 736 women total.  My time is a little different than I originally thought.  53:35.8.  But that’s still less than an hour to do three miles.  And that was my goal.  That and to not be last.  😀  And yes, I’m querulous enough that I did the math.  I beat 71 other women!  Eh, I’m only human.  I had to know.