Very similarly to the HFM Method of Surviving a Baby Shower, the answer is also vodka.
Or rather have a friend who reads your blog, knows what you’re going through and then rely on her to present you with a tiny bottle of vodka at 6 AM on a Wednesday morning at a coffee shop before she tells you.
I had the distinct honor of my fabulous friend, Amy, announcing her brand spanking new pregnancy to me a few weeks ago. As it is her wonderful news to announce, I couldn’t discuss it on my blog — until now. I’ve been given the go-ahead to reflect on that moment with you, dear readers.
Since Amy is already well aware of my situation (she’s one of my regular confidants,) she came prepared with a funny way to announce her fabulous news. She silently put a small bottle of vodka on the table, slid it toward me and said, “I’ve been reading your blog…”
I couldn’t have been more surprised. Though I was taken aback just moments before when she ordered a steamer instead of a a latte, I thought maybe she was on a no-caffeine kick. But nope, she had a sweet pea sized baby in that belly. (I understand it is currently up to olive sized.)
We both almost cried. We’ve discussed each other’s lives quite a bit. And we’ve both gone though our own personal trials and tribulations. Knowing her history, I couldn’t be happier for her! And happy she is.
Now, I think the one thing I really want to address in this post is how to react to such news as a woman dealing with infertility. Looking back at that moment, I’m pretty sure I acted correctly.
The first thought that crossed my mind was, “Don’t make this moment about you.” Because it’s not about me and my problems. It’s about her and her news and trusting me enough to tell me about it. Honestly, I consider it an honor to have been on her very short, super early “To Tell” list at all.
Thankfully, by making that commitment to myself, I was able to express the positive, happy feelings I have for Amy and her tiny, little powder monkey. And, because those are my genuine feelings for her, it wasn’t difficult to maintain a smile through the rest of the conversation.
When I wasn’t gushing about the eventual baby shower or tiny baby feet or how absolutely devastatingly cute that child is going to be thanks to combined genetics of Amy and Michael, I was hugging her excessively and thinking about her baby bump becoming more obvious this spring. 🙂
She’s going to be beautiful at the Fairie Festival in the early May sunshine. I picture it, and I’m glad for her. But yes, I’m still sad for myself. She is growing a tiny life, and I’m not. Yes, that’s negative thinking, but it’s currently how I feel.
And yes, I’m just going to come right out and say it: I’m envious. Or to be perfectly blunt, jealous.
Of course, I am. No point in denying that. Better to acknowledge the truth than to convince yourself otherwise. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be incredibly happy for my friend. (Double negative FTW!)
So as someone who is battling infertility and has gone through two pregnancy announcements in that time, my advice is to not think about yourself when you hear the announcement. Concentrate all your energy and goodwill toward the mother-to-be. And if you need that vodka when you get home after the announcement, then have it. And if you are jealous (and you probably are) acknowledge the feeling, but don’t let it control you.
And I’m going to write that on a piece of paper and tape it to my eyeballs so I follow my own damn advice. No moping in vats of self-pity. I will still have my own moments of despair, I’m sure. But that’s on me, no one else- especially not my sweet, pregnant friend.
Beautifully expressed. ♥
Thank you Mary! SS4L! Strumpet Sisters For Life!
Pingback: Can You Tell Me Where My Baby Is? | Hungry For Motherhood